


If stars had bodies, they would look like you (it’s not that easy).

by Jikael



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst, Episode: s06e05 The Black Paladins, I Love You, M/M, POV Keith (Voltron), Pining, Pining Keith (Voltron), SHEITH - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-15
Updated: 2018-08-15
Packaged: 2019-06-27 21:08:19
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,747
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15693408
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jikael/pseuds/Jikael
Summary: Shiro and Keith haven’t properly talked, Keith tries to figure out why.He had hoped… Maybe a race in the dessert, a night stargazing, a little trip to the shack; just for the old time’s sake. And he had many chances to ask, but he was too much of a coward. It was just that after telling the man that he loved him, after cradling him in his arms several times, after crying to his cryopod because“he couldn’t do that to him again”, after almost kissing him when he woke up, after him looking at Keith so soft he could melt, Keith couldn’t find it in himself to act cool and ask like a normal friend.





	If stars had bodies, they would look like you (it’s not that easy).

Inspired on [this song](https://youtu.be/MjIY5o4PaQM). 

Shiro looked so relaxed, more than he had seen him in a while. He looked like a huge weight had been lifted of his shoulders, even though he had a lot more to do as a captain than before, even though he was in charge of a robot that was supposed to  _carry the weight of the Universe at_  its back. His eyes looked so soft, his smile came so easy for the cadets that asked him for advice, and the people that looked at him like he had fallen from heaven.

People in the Garrison had always stared at Shiro. Made sense, he was attractive, talented, charming, very young for his rank. If you asked Keith, he had always looked that beautiful—as a teenager, It had taken a massive amount of will to snap himself off from the daze that staring at him left—, but since his hair turned blinding white and he got that new arm, he looked straight-out  _ethereal_. If stars had bodies, Keith is sure they would look like Shiro.

So yeah, Keith was honestly happy for him. The problem was… he missed him. They hadn’t talked much. A few orders from time to time, a few happy greetings and sad goodbyes. A few exchanges, a few rescues. Keith had thought it was because of the struggle of accustoming to being  _alive_  again. But he seemed to talk normally again, actually, whenever he wasn’t busy, anyone could find him talking with all his friends, beaming with energy. As happy as Keith wanted him to be when he got back.

He had hoped… Maybe a race in the dessert, ~~a~~ night stargazing, a little trip to the shack;  _just_  for the old time’s sake. And he had many chances to ask, but he was too much of a coward. It was just that after telling the man that  _he loved him_ , after cradling him in his arms several times, after crying to his cryopod because _“he couldn’t do that to him again”, after almost kissing him when he woke up,_ after him looking at Keith so soft he could melt, Keith couldn’t find it in himself to act cool and ask like a normal friend.

He thought he had gotten over him.  _He was fucking 22 already, c'mon. He couldn’t act like a horny teenager._ But, considering the fact that every moment he had with Shiro after bringing him back made his heart ache, looking at his gentle and grateful eyes, Keith thought maybe he didn’t. Or maybe it was just coming back.

The worst part was that Shiro would’ve said yes. Everytime. He would’ve give him that nostalgic look of his and say “yeah, why not” and Keith would’ve turned into a puddle, watching his starlight hair shine and flow to the cold dessert night air while they raced like they weren’t fighting a war. Even though Keith got better in talking about personal things, Keith couldn’t handle those meaningful conversations with Shiro; because their conversations after bringing him back were just that. Nostalgic. Intense. The both of them got lost in thought in the middle of it, and while Shiro was probably just thinking about the memories, Keith was thinking about how he felt having Shiro so damn close. How he felt having Shiro so close, when he had been craving for  _even_  seeing him again, for  _years._

He seemed to be so joyful about talking with everyone, but everytime the both of them talked, he turned thoughtful, almost sad.  _Maybe he just turned a facade to other people, he’s done that before,_ he thought, but he knew him. It wasn’t that.

However, It was better than not having him at all.

Back then, he used to have a crush on Shiro. His mom found out when they were in the abyss, she assumed it from his flushed cheeks and the loud beating from his heart on the memories they had unwittingly shared. His pilot class had suspected, for a long time.They knew how it pissed him off that they compared Shiro to his dad—he used to have a dad, a really good one; and he wished Shiro had met him—, and they used to mock him for that. They used to tell him that Shiro was only molding him to be  _Golden Boy 2.0._  But Shiro was much more than that, and he actually believed in  _Keith_. He didn’t believe in a future artist, or a future athlete, or mechanic; Keith knew Shiro believed in  _him, for who he was._ It was only natural for him to have a small crush on him. As he had said before, Shiro was amazing.

The crush was there, small, going away and coming back after a while. It wasn’t like he was head over heels for him. He didn’t even mind Shiro’s boyfriend, Adam. He was okay. There were some days when he wished he could have what he had with Shiro—those soft eyes looking at each other, that shy hand holding when they had the time—, but he was just glad Shiro had someone that loved him as he loved them back. The only time he had been angry at Adam was when Shiro told him that he dumped him right before Kerberos, when Shiro asked him if he could go to the launch with him. The look on Shiro’s eyes and the raw edge on his voice, as if he had been crying, made his heart ache, because Shiro  _deserved_ better.

Then, the news on Kerberos came.

#  _If It were easy I could start forgetting about you._

That was the first time he realized it was too much. Too much emotions, clouding his sight, numbing his thoughts, ripping through his chest like the space was just so small for it to contain them. He just remembers the fact that he left. He escaped the Garrison, getting a bike from God knows where—he doesn’t remember how he got it— and running to the dessert. He just remembers Shiro’s name, tearing his throat apart as if not even his voice could deal with the pain that saying it meant. It was not right for a person to change your life completely and then just… Leave you.

Those three doomed words were there, too. Making their way after his name.  _Shiro, I-_ but that was it. He didn’t finish it, for it was a strange phrase for him. He only used to hear it with his dad, the one who said it with a particular look on his eyes, like Keith was his most important thing to protect.The _“I love you, son”_ was so far away that the phonetics couldn’t make their way through his vocal chords, nor the meaning could reach him completely. He never said it, and he didn’t give it a thought back then. Not that he remembered, at least. But then again, he didn’t remember much from the first month after Shiro’s disappearance, everything was too foggy.

Even though he didn’t know if he could say those three words —even if it was just saying it to the stars, even if Shiro couldn’t hear him—, he knew it wasn’t just a crush anymore. A crush would’ve been wiped out due to the pain. And Keith  _knew_  pain. But that wasn’t like losing his dad, that wasn’t like being torn apart from a good foster home, from good foster parents or siblings. Because he still felt like he wished to touch Shiro’s hair, he still felt like melting over his eyes. But those silly  _teen_  thoughts were making his chest too heavy to breathe, because there was the  _probability_  that he would never even get to daydream about that.

#  _And I could start wiping out the traces of my-_

So… Back when he disappeared, back when he didn’t have him  _at all_ and that fact almost killed him, he never said it.

He only said it once before, he said it to the weird sky on their 719th day stuck in that warped space with his mom; after thinking about it for two months, thanks to his mom’s remark on his memories. Back when he was looking for Shiro, on Earth; he thought that if he had a sibling, he would’ve searched for him with the same intent, for he was all he had. He kept thinking that when he saw himself obliged to decide between Shiro or his past. But there, with his mom helping him calm his inner turmoil, making him believe in those three words, explaining them to him like he could’ve only imagined a mother would’ve, he thought that, maybe, he did felt that for Shiro.

#  _**Love**_.

“I love you” he whispered, tasting the words in his mouth with Shiro’s presence in his mind. With his mom by his side, It had gotten easier to say those words, but he still didn’t get the horrible ache, the terrible longing in his heart when he said it.

#  _If It were easy, the **illusion**  would be gone already._

So when he said it to his face, to his tortured face, after the words “you’re my brother” that he said to himself for so many years didn’t put off Shiro’s clone but the “I love you” did, so full of meaning that it made them both shiver, he knew maybe it wasn’t like  _that_  anymore. And that was why he had even more reasons to save him.

#  _And I wouldn’t be here anymore, with my life crumbling at your feet…_

Maybe that was it, maybe Shiro remembered. And he  _noticed_. Keith was doomed. Even though Shiro would do everything he could to avoid breaking his heart, Keith knew it wasn’t going to work. Shiro wasn’t subtle, and Keith wasn’t stupid.

Shiro passed right next to him, and he gave him that sleepy little smile of his; Keith suddenly remembered his mom’s words when she caught him looking at Shiro  _finally_  rest in the Black Lion , the way she carefully said them, as if rehearsed:

“Maybe your  _little_  crush didn’t go away,  _maybe it evolved, Keith”._

Right there in the hallway, feeling like he wanted Shiro to hold him close while he nuzzled in the space between his shoulder and neck, Keith thought, maybe _it did._

#  _Wishing not to love you…_

He took a deep breath.  _Like a bandage._

#  _**Was that easy.** _

“Hi _Shiro,_ wanna go for a ride?”

On [tumblr](https://jik-ael.tumblr.com/post/177018441487/if-stars-had-bodies-they-would-look-like-you)! 

**Author's Note:**

> This was my first Sheith fanfiction contribution to the fandom, please go gentle on me:(
> 
>  
> 
> It’s better if you read it listening to the song, i tried to do my best translation, a friend always told me it was such a Sheith song, so I took the risk and wrote this inspired on it, even though the song it’s not in english. It’s really good, though


End file.
